Weekend to Remember

This weekend we were at "Weekend to Remember". It was enjoyable to come away as a couple. Our first session was on what causes marriages to fail and addressed the threats of difficult adjustments, our culture's pattern, inevitable difficulties, selfishness, and or affairs. Isolation happens when we fail to make the needed adjustments.How we respond makes the difference of whether we are driven together or driven apart. Some of the big things that stuck out to me in this session were how difficulties doesn't mean that there is something wrong and should challenge our resourcefulness, not our relationship. Did you know that extramarital affairs are more than sex with someone other than your partner? It's also materialism, kids, careers, and activities. It's when a legitimate need is filled in an illegitimate way.  

This guy was amazing! He had 10 kids and
was pastor of a cross-cultural church.

Solo time with a mango smoothie

      The next session was on how we communicate. Some of the tips were to listen with acceptance and understanding, focused attention, ask questions using "I" statements rather than "you" statements, focus on what is being said rather than how it is being said, not everything you think needs to be expressed, and think before you speak. It is vital that we speak words of encouragement and blessing instead of curses for truly "life and death are in the power of the tongue"!

      "Unlocking the Mystery of Marriage" called us to realize that marriage is NOT about us! It's about God! It's a earthly representation of God's character and heart. When we as a couple mirror God's image, we experience what it means to be one. Failing to be one not only destroys the marriage but it also destroys the home, the schools, the church, and the nations. We have a low view of marriage because we have a low view of God. Satan always challenges God and His purposes for marriage. There is glory in a Godly marriage! Satan is out to destroy glory and thus he is after our marriages to destroy its glory. We see this in shame, guilt, fear, blame shifting, and control. 

          I am God's gift to Conrad! :) :) :) We are imperfect and yet God pursues a love relationship with me. We either live by default or we live by design, I get to choose!

            Marriage is about God. It takes Christ in us to be able to experience oneness in marriage. Sin causes oneness to be destroyed. The definition for sin is anything that we seek more than God! Ouch! That comes pretty close to home! Yet, Jesus exchanged MY sins for His righteousness! He paid MY penalty 100% so I could go free! This journey requires putting our trust and confidence in God! It's letting Jesus have unhindered access to every area of my life. It's not about us, it's about Him!

         Unmet expectations, unfulfilled desires, being hurt, and when our rights have been violated leads to quarreling and fighting. One of the big things in this session for me was the encouragement to examine the offense before confronting. Not every issue needs to be confronted as Proverbs 19:11 says that "it is his glory to overlook an offense". My spouse is NOT the enemy. I must start with me! How did I contribute conflict? If one wins, you both lose. To resolve conflict we must forgive. This is costly! The offender needs to seek forgiveness while the offended spouse must grant forgiveness. This obedience to God is the first step toward rebuilding trust. Actively choosing to bless the other spouse minimizes conflict. 

         "Marriage after Dark" was about sexual intimacy. We shouldn't be afraid to address this topic since God freely talks about it in His Word. Your sex life is affected by your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. A healthy sexual relationship is built on the foundation of companionship, commitment, passion, and spiritual intimacy.

           Sunday morning found us in split sessions man to man, woman to woman. This stirred a lot in me. If I am wise, I will embrace God's plans and purposes for my home. It's yielding to God's design rather than outside influences. First, I need to intentionally pursue living water. He wants me to know Him. I put my husband first realizing that submission is beautiful. It doesn't mean that I don't share my opinion and become a door mat but that I am his helper. It means to respect him by how I look at him, the words I say, to accept him. That we are interdependent. My home is where I get to change the world!!! I dare not parent through fear! Seek God for He promises that when we lack wisdom, He will give it when we ask. It is vital to know the "3 F's" of our children-their friends, fears, and favorite things. I teach what I know but will reproduce who I am. I get the incredible privilege of showing my children who God is by who I am for more is caught than taught! I help my children understand their physical, emotional, and spiritual identity. Together we prepare our children for lives of purpose.

         Marriage is costly. We reflect the love of God. This is a choice and not a feeling. Bitterness is the result of failing to forgive. "Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast"-Marlene Dietrich. We must enthusiastically encourage our spouse through refraining from critical words, embracing a positive attitude even through difficult times and openly affirming our spouses! Remember it is ALWAYS too soon to give up!

     Leaving a legacy requires us to be intentional. Our relationships reflect our legacy. Our willingness to follow Jesus must be at the core of our legacy. Put Jesus at the center! Instead of just trying for something, we must train ourselves! 

At the very end, we repeated our vows to one another. I think we both had tears in our eyes till we were done. Then we could kiss :) They sent this marriage covenant home with us and encouraged us that if we have children old enough that they should be the ones to sign as witnesses.

The children were very glad to see us when we picked them up. The two youngest ones especially seemed delighted that we were back again. Logan seems to have some type of infection though. There were tears of tiredness and relief that once again we were together as a complete family unit! There was also a classic joke~ "Why did the tomato blush?" 

A-"Because it saw the salad dressing"